It's over...

That's it... the campagne's over, much has been done, much more could have been done but that's the way it goes. I've done my best and I'm feeling so frayed beyond belief I could probably impersonate a three-hundred year old tapestry by now.

Click here for an enlargement

The famous Bayeaux scene, depicting the passing of Halley's Comet and the demise of King Harold in the face of the Norman onslaught...
A tragedy, a liberation, a watershed by all accounts...

 

Need sleep, will get it right now and will call in late at work tomorrow... The advantages of flexible working hours, if I can sleep properly tonight at least... :D

Yes, it's a no (?)

In their own referendum yesterday (May 29th), the French people have spoken and have decidedly made clear that they are not to be taken for fools, all efforts of their government to the contrary.

Leaving Jacques Chirac looking more like a whipped dog than anything else...

 

A group of German artists seemed to have understood what was going on last winter and got the message across well, as seen in these pictures made in front of the Brandenburger Tor in Berlin.

Just pointing out a little known and somewhat unused approach.

 

Perhaps a pipe-cleaner as well for a little late spring-cleaning. Damn, now he's got me thinking of Mary Poppins.

 

Here in Holland, the no-campaign is in full swing, despite all the efforts of the government, media and even the trade unions to push the yes-vote. Partly because of all the wheeling and dealing, the peddling of half-truths and politicians being seen as either blissfully ignorant or blatantly manipulative at times they shouldn't have been... sigh...

It's been a long day and a very busy week with meetings, distributing pamphlets and a crisis in the local party committee on top of everything else as well... damn, we didn't need that...

Slept well last night, probably the first time in months I've managed to sleep for more than 5 hours a night and felt a little better for a change.

Those wanting to act the goat need not apply...

 

Just one more day to go, feeling ragged and above everything else I've lost my voting card, seem to have misplaced the silly thing.

Hmmm... if she says no, does she mean yes? If you can't convince 'm, confuse 'm...

 

Time to sleep...

Spot on buddy ;-)

 

A little time out

It's getting busy, and it's going to get even busier in the next few days, right up until next week Wednesday, June 1st when a referendum is to be held in the Netherlands to ask the Dutch people for their support for the proposed European Constitution.

I guess I won't be blogging as much as I would like in the meantime, the issues at stake are serious ones and need to be adressed carefully.

Hmmm, I think they mean it somehow...

 

As you may know, I'm a member of the Dutch Socialist Party, and a fairly active one as well nowadays. Before I go any further though, I think a little explanation is in order here.

When I say socialist, I mean as in pursuing social policies and politics in which human dignity, equality and solidarity are the guiding principles. Many people, when hearing the word socialist, think (or say)... "Are you guy's communists then?" which has been a pretty common perception ever since WWII. I can be quite definite about this, the answer is NO. The Socialist Party embraces a democratic framework, which is probably the only one thus far that can guarantee some free speech and civilised discussion of the issues at hand.

The core values and goals of the Dutch Socialist Party.

This evening I've been out distributing folders in the area... just done our street, some 100 addresses or so, after having received some 600 or 700 to be delivered to mailboxes throughout the suburb.

Oh dear, Holland seems to have disappeared...

 

There are several main issues the SP has with this referendum:

- the Prime Minister has already signed Dutch acceptance of the Constitution, without any form of consultation with the electorate (echoing the introduction of the Euro incidentally, but that's a story for a different time). Although this referendum is supposed to be consultative and not binding, the major players in the government pledging themselves to respect the voters wishes, all sorts of double agendas seem to have appeared, scare tactics and dubious manoevering have been taking place to push the government position on to a population that hardly knows what's going on yet.

- Dutch citizens have hardly had the possibility of acquainting themselves with the issues involved... a serious lack of documented information is at their disposal and we have to rely on what we're being told, rather than being able to judge for ourselves.

- government funds are being appropriated to push the "yes" vote, a rather cynical exercise since it seems that at least half the electorate is going to be voting "no" but see their tax money used to put forward the other position.

- a much greater chance will exist that national sovereignty will be bargained away for the "European good" (read industry, big business and vested interests).

I'll leave the ranting and raving for some other time, there's lot still to be told... sigh...

It's getting late and I need my sleep... slept badly last night with much coughing and feeling half-dead by morning.

You're kidding... now, again...?

 

Have a nice (rest of the) day... Bart (feeling frayed)

Dead serious

On my way to and from work every day, I pass a chapel fairly close to Central Station in one of the oldest parts of Amsterdam. By now the surroundings are pretty familiar and yet once in a while I get to wondering about why buildings were built and ornamented the way they were at the time.

The door, who knows what you'll find behind it...

(the sign on the door is silly, b.t.w... it says, "Entrance via the hotel")

 

It seems pretty macabre and a little scary for the uninitiated, but the facts of death and mortality were very close to the 15th century people who lived in the city. Famines, epidemics and disasters loomed large and the people were always painfully aware of their own natural insignificance. I've seen a number of chapels like this, one with the inscription "Lord have mercy on us" (in Latin, then) right here in the city of Hoorn.

Breughel: The Triumph Over Death

(Click image for an enlargement)

 

And why not... when you get down to thinking about it, life is always something that at best hangs on a silk thread. Silk is strong, so very strong but can break at the most unfortunate of moments. You have no choice, you are left in despair at your own inability to control the most elementary of all moments in your own life.

Time out...

 

But why worry, I ask. You know it will come, you know it is inevitable and you know that every mortal will face the same moment... The End.

 

"The basic impact of the experience is the same whether you believe in reincarnation or not: it is the discontinuity of what you are doing."

Chögyam Trungpa, Rinpoche

I don't fear death in the slightest, never have actually and perhaps always have had an unhealthily curious interest in what death and dying are all about. I'm particularly attracted to Buddhist philosophy on this subject, concerning the endless cycles of life and death which like day and night alternate with each other.

The next phase...

 

That's all there is in the end, though we don't really want to admit it. To quote a Dutch funeral text "Today our dear ..... passed away unexpectedly" to which I'd answer, why unexpectedly, you know it's going to happen some time, if anything it's just the timing that sucks.

The Goon Show

I had a couple of lovely responses to yesterdays post, both as comments and by email.

The one thing that immediately sprung to mind after the second or third one, was the legendary comment by Harry Secombe (alias Neddy Seegoon) in the Goon Show:

"Well, well, well... three holes in the ground"

 

* * * * * * *

 

The Goons, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellars and Harry Secombe in better days, begin 1960's

 

The Goon Show was onee of the series I grew up with during the 1970's, and although the series was pretty old even then it never failed to get our age group rolling in fits of laughter. Some of the episodes well remembered:

The Great Wurlitzer Race

The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill on Sea)

The Booted Gorilla

For those unfamiliar with the Goon Show, take a look here.

This was the start of a new generation of British comedy, stimulated by each other and the BBC, producing the most wonderous nonsense ever... The Two Ronnies, Morecombe and Wise and The Monty Python show amongst others.

The Two Ronnies

 

Morecombe and Wise

 

Monty Python's Flying Circus

 

The world has never been the same since (thank heavens)...

Dead-end day

Hmmmpf, despite all the efforts to the contrary, I wake up with a raging headache, grumpy kids and a nagging wife. Damn, wish I could just bury myself somewhere...

 

Not much to report at the moment... the coherence level is down below zero at the moment and I'm glad I can even type right now.

Just a couple of pictures taken a few days ago at the canoe club, just a few minutes walk from here. Katie's entertaining the idea she might want to become a member next August, after the summer holdiays.

 

 

I'm off, hope to find me a hole somewhere

The Marriage of Cinderella

Later in the day, in the main square in the heart of the city, a performance was given by a youth theatre group who performed a musical version of Cinderella.

 

Nice costumes and very good acting by the large group of children, there must have been at least 50 or 60 of them.

 

It was also a wonderfully warm afternoon, and everybody seemed to be in a good mood and enjoying themselves.

More photo's can be found here. They weren't quite what I'd liked them to have been, badly uninspired and a bit headachy but there's a couple of good shots in between.

Rhönrad pictures

As usual, the Rhönrad lesson on Saturday morning. Katie's doing very well and progressing admirably, for me it's often a bit of a chore when suffering from the dizziness still afflicting me occasionally.

Couldn't concentrate all that well this morning, too much nonsense swirling around in my head again and worked up to an enormous headache in the course of the day. I'm feeling a bit off colour this evening. Just hoping it's not a flu... don't need that at the moment.

 

 

 

 

More (and better) pictures made in March can be found here

Mae West, revisited

"Is that a double-sided lightsaber in your hand, or are you happy to see me?"

Trivia time (1)

Did you know that there was more chance of you're being killed by a falling coconut than by getting bitten by a crocodile?

 

Something worth remembering when in the vicinity of a disgruntled palm tree :D
(was wondering where the last bit of my pig joke had gotten to... seem to have found it LOL )

"Listen, I've got a catchphrase,…'mind that coconut!'"

 

Feeling happy

Once in while something happens at work that give you the feeling that it's pretty worthwhile after all and not just a way of scrounging up some money to be able to live.

Last week I designed a cover for a book being written by one of my clients, a physiotherapist who is actively involved with dance productions here in Amsterdam. After a few, totally uninspired days I got my act together and managed to present a design that we all thought had potential.

Click here for an enlargement

 

I didn't know it at the time, but one of the leading Dutch choreographers would be writing the preface to the book and would also be present at the presentation. To my amazement he was genuinely enthusiastic, complimented me on what he felt was a good approach and got me all embarrassed in front of everybody.

I hate it when they do that (but secretly I love it, I guess) :D.

Changes

Only one thing never changes,

that all things will change.

- Tibetan proverb -

meaning... nothing ever stays the same. The familiar dissolves into history and we're constantly readjusting ourselves in a present which is just as transitory as life itself.

 

It's odd really, we remember a lot of things the way we think they were, but looking back at pictures or sharing recollections, it seems that our memories are just as faulty as we are, things get romanticised, that which was so very important seems now trivial and others which were unobserved and outside the field of attention have come to play a leading role in our lives.

I received a postcard recently. Not a very special one really, but it got me thinking. It was made sometime in the 1950's, of the train station I go to every workday morning to catch the train.

Click here for an enlargement

 

It dawned on me that the photo, as well as having being made some 50 years ago, might just as well have depicted something on another planet. On the surface it's so recogniseable and familiar, but the whole mood is totally different. Compare it to the following photo, and decide for yourself which you would prefer.

Click here for an enlargement

 

Am I getting a bit too nostalgic?

Once in a while, there's a poster that catches my fancy. Sometimes funny, sometimes thought provoking, sometimes sad.

Enough said, methinks...

 

Gollum's song

Probably one of the most tragic figures in any book I've ever read is Gollum. The first time I read Lord of the Rings, somewhere in my teens, I disliked the character enormously for his hideous obsession and his treachery. A creature torn between self-loathing and the ultimate quest for power the ring would give him again.


Yet, after having re-read "Lord of the Rings" more times than I care to remember, he's become a figure that grew in my perceptions and I learned to see the last flickering remnant of the creature he used to be, and grieved for him.

Gollums song is deep, so deep and so haunting... he tried so hard to be good, to return to the life he once led but couldn't, his mind poisoned by the One Ring.
Here's a very good writeup on Gollum


The song itself was sung so beautifully by Emiliana Torrini, the first time I heard it in a theatre, together with Lynn and Stéphanie, I was absolutely transfixed in my chair... I didn't know what hit me and it left me in tears afterwards.

Gollum's Song

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame!
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
Was ever there for me
Now we say goodbye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame!
And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost
You can never go home

You are lost
You can never go home

The role of Gollum was played so excellently, a unique combination of excellent acting technique and total affinity with the electronic and imaging techniques used to map Serkis' actions to the character of Gollum.
Andy Serkis'Official Website

In some ways the song and the film cemented Gollum's character in my mind. I feel he's one of the three major players in the whole book and film cycle... Frodo, the Ring and Gollum, bound to each other whilst acting out their own destinies. In the end, the Ring was destroyed, Frodo survived and Gollum found the peace he'd denied himself through his obsession.

Isn't that something we all could learn from Gollum, today?

Mr Fixit

I occasionally need to help colleagues with problems that crop up in the course of the day. Some of them here, some of them from different locations. Always nice, you get to chat with people again and catch up as well under the guise of doing something useful and productive.

And sometimes we get something done as well :D

It's a bird, it's a plane

it's Bicycle Repairman...

Occasionally I get asked the silliest things though, like...

When I've applied colour management to my document and try to print it on a black and white printer, the prints come out with a heavy screen and the text just breaks up...

to which I'd ask,

If you're printing in black and white, why do you need colour management?

Sigh, where are the real superhero's when you need them...

Ok, just one of the candidates, out of many...

Faster than a tall building, smarter than a speeding bullet,
oh... it's Supergrover

Sideshow

Listening to a little Eminem while working this afternoon. Bit noisy, rather raucous but exceptionally funny in his own way.

One of the few rappers who can keep up with a difficult rhythm, with startling results occasionally.

Ladies and gentlemen... presenting the Eminem Show, with a rather intriguing story line from beginning to end, a collection of personal recollections, slights, personal, sexual and social frustrations.

Tearing away the curtains of mediocrity and self-indulgence...
take it away boy.

I like the way he knocks the established way of doing things, perhaps he's doing it in the wrong way but who am I to judge his personal field of reference. I'm not all that shocked at his messages because I think words can only hurt you if you let them...

Or should you just duck as they fly by...

What's wrong with ruffling a few feathers once in a while, even though the material is considered foul.

Although other Eminems are also welcome :D

Many happy returns

The Crown Princess of the Netherlands, Princess Maxima celebrated her 34th birthday today.

A picture that says a thousand words.

I'm not particularly a royalty fan, I tend to have a vague dislike to this lot for their rather haughty attitudes, although some have tried better than others to break down the facade.

Rather nice portrait, together with Crown Prince Willem Alexander.

Her most endearing quality is one of being as genuine a person as protocol will allow... spontaneous, caring and sometimes just taking the trouble to bend the official rules a little. Perhaps a bit of the Diana effect kicking in here.

Hmmm... the eye's have it...

She got off to a bad start here in Holland... although the people loved her from the beginning, there was a lot of fuss about her family background. Her father played a minor role in the military junta governments in Argentina in the 1970's, something that's not much appreciated on anybody's resumé these days.

Wedding shot, just for the record

One of the results of the nonsense was that her father was officially refused permission to be present at her wedding on February 2nd, 2002. Her tears, before and during the wedding ceremony, which had visible Argentinian elements, earned her the total trust and respect of the nation.

Congratulations, my dear...

A whole new board game...

Have you ever had the feeling that life is innately unfair? No, there's no reason to have to feel paranoid any more, I think the next picture sums up more than you'd expect.

I don't know who I'm quoting now, but the message stuck in my mind years ago...

You can't win,

You can't lose,

You can't even escape the f*ing system

Which, ultimately, is what life's all about. You take what you get, you use whatever comes your way in the most applicable way and at the end of it all, you die.

Come on, it can't be all bad...

There's such an ridiculous quality to the daily happenings around us which we'd perhaps prefer to ignore. Some of the people I admire most though, don't and choose to depict their realities in both confronting and amusing ways.

René Magritte - La reproduction interdit

One of my favourite artists is Rene Magritte, who created surrealistic masterpieces which are truely breathtaking when you take the time to absorb what's being shown..

René Magritte - The Human Condition

René Magritte - Los amantes

Better late than never...

Bit's and pieces I've collected the last year or two...

A site left over from 2004's election nonsense which got me laughing.

Like father, like son.

Which gets me to wondering again, why is there just one letter of difference between election and erection... could there be link here somewhere?

Or on the other hand, it might have been a missing link?

Homo misanthropus

With just a little help from some friends (and a lot of their money?)...

The dollars and (lack of) sense issues dressed up as being Christian

...and a little war along the way, just to keep attention away from how retarded the administration is in the first place...

Must stop now... I'm getting cynical

Early morning

I was out of bed early this morning. Didn't sleep well last night so I went off with the camera this morning. Was very tired and not all too focussed myself but I surprised myself with this one...

A view across the bay, toward the inner city

And just one other thing... important

Today in 1948, the British mandate in Palestine expired. Within a few hours the armies of the combined Arab forces invaded the new state of Israel, which had been called into being after the efforts of zionists, terrorists and international finance resulted in the Palestinians fleeing from what had also been their homes.

The results speak for themselves.

A walk in the park

It was a brilliant day today... warm, not much wind and very clear air. Went to the park with Jacqueline, Katie and Amy... managed to get some reasonable photography done for a change.

I'll make a web page for the rest of my shots this evening or tomorrow... there's a couple of good ones in there...

Caught in the act

Finally managed to get a good photo of Lynn. Usually she's awfully self-conscious but today I managed to get her to pose for a few moments before her friend Moniek got to trimming and colouring her hair. The trimming went well, the colouring was postponed until another time.

Found it

One of the things a lot of people worry about nowadays, is where everything is leading to. Even on Internet, which by definition is almost boundless. You can just keep on going on and on and on and on if you have the time, patience and a well padded chair.

Nevertheless, some people claim to have found the end of the Internet itself. Apparently you can get there in different ways, but I think this one was special.

"Curious?
Click here or on the image.

Now go and read a book, or do something useful OK?

Friday the 13th

To be perfectly honest, most of the day wooshed past before I realised that it was Friday the 13th. Not that I'm particularly superstitious and do have a bit of a laugh once in a while about people who take all sorts of precautions for themselves.

It does help though to pay attention to what's happening around you though, it makes life just a little bit easier.

But fair's fair... he was hounded rather badly during his presidency...

... and things end up differently than you'd expect anyhow, no matter what you do.

Hey, a horseshoe... that will bring me good luck

Some more words of wisdom

Totally in keeping with yesterday's post, just a little something I'd like to share with you

One of the things I do best nowadays...

Life, the Universe and Everything

In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.

- Douglas Adams, 1952-2001 -

A biography

The universe is large, so breathtakingly large, a fact that probably hasn’t escaped anybody except the most vegetative. That the universe is so impersonally incomprehensible and at moments so totally absurd that it defies understanding. Which doesn't mean you can't try. One man did, and died trying... almost literally.

On May 11th, 2001, Douglas Noel Adams died of a heart attack. Nothing particularly unusual, it happens all the time, and often to the best of people. But Douglas Adams was special... for me at least and from what I've understood for a lot of other people as well.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

- Douglas Adams -

Douglas Adams, world-class procrastinator, visionary, brilliant wit and above all just a thoroughly likeable person according to those in a position to know.

He once said that his most important credentials were that he was the original DNA, long before Watson and Crick managed to reduce all perceptions of life on the planet to a combination of several organic compounds. I secretly suspect that a lot of his literary, social and philosophical skills were an unconscious attempt at white-anting a reductionist mind-set in western society. Just my take, incidentally, but one I intuitively feel comfortable with.

Today, 2001... he passed on to the Great Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and beyond. It was also the same day, after having procrastinated for god knows how long, I finally got to taking a look at his website and get to know the author I’d admired and appreciated for many years.

Douglas, posing with the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything...unfortunately, nobody had a clue of what the question was in the first place.

I have no idea if the two events were related, but one does get to wondering occasionally. A strange coincidence or just the universe taking me for a sucker yet again?

Opinions are still up in the air on this one...

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is to be released as a film, 27 years since the radio play was released, more than two decades after the first book was published, after protracted and acrimonious negotiations and waiting for Hollywood to get the creative techniques in place. A fitting tribute to a man whose creative qualities never managed to hit the mainstream literature but created a furore in certain circles.

I think the man said “Don’t Panic”...

The story that is so outrageously funny almost instantly became a cult hit and has remained so in the intervening years. The original book eventually evolved into a trilogy in five parts and have been acclaimed as both visionary and iconoclastic, pre-empting many technological advances made in the intervening time and just poking fun at a technological society so full of itself that there was no room for a bit of silliness along the way.

Who in their right mind could come up with a character like Marvin the Paranoid Android
A fan-site for Marvin

Followed well by the Starship Titanic. At the center of the galaxy, a vast, unknown civilization is preparing for an event of epic proportions: the launching of the greatest, most gorgeous, most technologically advanced Starship ever built-the Starship Titanic.

Starship Titanic went on to become a science-fiction adventure set aboard a colossal spaceship (which is named after a fairly well-known cruise ship from the planet Earth). It seems that something has gone horribly wrong aboard the Starship Titanic - a fact that becomes evident as the vessel slams into the cozy confines of your living room. Now, at the request of the ship's robotic crew, you must go aboard, figure out what went wrong, and fix it. A CD-ROM game for all ages...

The Official Site for the Starship Titanic Novel, now online.

Originally released as a collaborative effort with Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame)

While the galaxy's media looks on the following morning, hugely, magnificently, the fabulous ship eases away from the construction dock, picks up speed, sways a little, wobbles a bit, veers wildly and just before it can do untold damage to everything around it, appears to undergo SMEF (Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure). In just ten seconds, the whole stupendous enterprise is over. And our story has just begun ...

(part of a press release...)

Douglas, you are badly missed... your insight and your humour, your compassion and total empathy with the human condition will keep your memory alive. I still think his most important message of all is...

Or in other words, "don't take yourself too seriously, nobody else does either".

Shadows

We all know that a picture can say a thousand words. And occasionally we need to be silent to comprehend the meanings conveyed.

Sometimes, a picture can be oddly prophetic... perhaps in hindsight and reading extra meanings into the image that mightn't have been there, who knows. And sometimes they just hurt.

The child sits on the lawn, slightly puzzled and perhaps even a little bewildered by the shadows surrounding it. The garden is full and yet so empty, the implied activity contrasting an overwhelming sense of isolation.

Shadows of the future? The child is me, the photo taken about the same time as my first birthday.

Coming up for air

One of the less well known books by George Orwell, Coming Up For Air is one that has always appealed to me. The story is about a man who, feeling trapped and desperate, tries to flee middle-class, middle-aged mediocrity and goes on a journey to rediscover himself and the past he left behind.

The further he goes, the more he realises that the world of his past he idealised was just an illusion, even more so than the present he felt ensnared in. He came up for air alright, but a bizarre twist at the end of the story leaves the reader with the feeling that he's only treading water whilst dealing with the vicissitudes of life.

Suppose I were to tell you that the meaning of dreams

is not all that it seems and the ultimate truth is a lie.

And you are just a puppet who can dance on a string.

Do you feel anything?

Would you Laugh? Would you care? Would you cry?

But the meaning of life is a mystery, how can anyone disagree?

And the music is a symphony which we play in a minor key.

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Looking at me you see yourself

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Every face is someone else.

Look at me smile and you're the clown. And if I dance you turn around.

Look in my eyes and see your tears until the music disappears.

So if you are confused and don't know which way to go.

You will certainly know. From the moment we're living we die.

And if it's all a crazy game you don't want to play

Tell me what you can say.

It's a joke. It's the truth. It's a lie.

But the meaning of life is a mystery that we don't understand.

And the music is a rhapsody if you're happy the way that you are.

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Looking at me you see yourself

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Every face is someone else.

Look at me smile and you're the clown. And if I dance you turn around.

Look in my eyes and see your tears until the music disappears.

And the meaning of life is a mystery though we live it from day to day.

But the music of live should be harmony so that anyone here can play.

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Looking at me you see yourself

I am a mirror. I am a mirror. Every face is someone else.

Look at me smile and you're the clown. And if I dance you turn around.

Look in my eyes and see your tears until the music disappears.

Leo Sayer as the Psychoanalyst

Freudiana / Alan Parsons Project

The mind is a strange country and all who roam within its borders seldom return unchanged. The man who goes through the door is different to the man who returns.

Heaven, or hell?

It's been an unsettling, difficult and nerve-racking period I've managed to put behind me. I've been more and more hemmed in emotionally, for whatever reason reverting back to a brain-dead way of life that upset me enormously. Total fatigue got the better of me in the end... at moments I'd just be falling asleep at my keyboard without having done anything that could give me a sense of pleasure in the few hours I had available for myself... life just got to drifting from one crisis to another, all sense of reality seemed to evaporate with days and nights dissolving into each other and drifting by with absolutely no points of reference to hang on to. Work suffered, I've made some bad mistakes, the home situation disintegrating even faster than already the case was and I seemed to have lost myself somewhere along the line.

Who are you, who am I?

The time had come to drop the anti-depressants I'd been on since last October or November. The side effects were bad at the beginning, but panned out after a week or two. Nevertheless, during the last month matters have only been getting worse, and together with my GP I decided to go off medication... a mind that's turning to mush just isn't worth the effort of trying to live with.

Thus, the fun and games begin in earnest. The dizziness, the nausea, the emotional rollercoaster kicks in and does total justice to the term Daze of our Lives... the sense of total dislocation is just unbelievable and frightens the life out of me occasionally.

Yet, after a week I see the clouds parting, I'm regaining control over my own body and my own mind, and starting to see the world around me with a clarity I'd never realised before. Perhaps it's my imagination, perhaps it's just wishful thinking but perhaps I'm now finally able to put the illusions back into place and get on with what's left of my life.

Just hope I'm not treading water as well...

The Joys of Public Transport

Blessed be the commuter, for his patience shall be tried beyond measure. Once again I get to work, far too late because of train delays and non-arriving buses.

Sigh...

You get to wondering exactly is happening, and why it is that if there is a signal problem in Utrecht (some 100 km from Hoorn) that the whole country’s train system is derailed, in a manner of speaking. Logistical problems, locomotives that break down due to repairs that have waited too long to be performed, staff working to rule... all contributing to a growing transport problem here.

Ladies and gentleman, the train has stopped due to a mechanical fault. To repair it we will need to improvise unfortunately. Therefore one of our conductors will come along shortly to collect your shoelaces. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience...

Of course, things could be a lot worse. Somehow I don’t like the idea of having been in this train.

Gare de Montparnasse, Paris, long ago...

I have no idea of the intelligence level of the NS (Nederlandse Spoorwegen) staff at times, or if they have any grasp of what they are saying whatsoever, but some of the announcements really make me cringe.

A few examples:

”Ladies and gentlemen, the 16.24 train to Zaandam, Castricum, Alkmaar and Den Helder which is to depart from track 8a will arrive shortly on track 8a.”

”Here is an announcement for Mr. Ivanovich. Amanda is coming [...long pause...] and will meet you at four p.m.”
(and this is repeated in the same way three times...)

”Ladies and gentlemen, please note that due to track maintainance the international train to Bad Bentheim, Hannover and Berlin will depart from track 14b as usual”

Nobody's really sure why the system's not working in the way it should be...